been busy playing with blender 3d software

still learning all its features ,

suppose i should update this as i have not done in a while


been having a break and doing some music

[link]

back to building robots for a while

and many a long night spent programming them

just been trying some stop frame animation

first attempt

youtube link   [link]

well just finished writing a book

my first ever, guess its good to let your imagination flow in different directions sometimes

although now trying to figure out how to get it published being another matter


more news as soon as i know

hate and oppression only breeds hate and oppression,
power corrupts and only breeds rebellion by others wanting to take power and be corrupt,
breaking that cycle is like the cycle of a spot on the end of the noise,
it hurts those around it as it inflates,
when it bursts it affects those at the top,the gunk of there wrong rejected by the body
the pain soon goes and the skin mends returning flat and smooth as the pressure on life for those around it is relived and life returns to a happy and even balance

another day

one bottle of vodka , tonight i drink alone
hoping to forget this life  

then sleep
knowing i will throw up
hoping it will choke me while sleeping
easy way out no feeling
no way back

but i woke up in the morning
sick all over the bed
but alive and left to clear up the mess

failed  i should be dead

not for sympathy did not want anyone to know
no one to stop me no one did
just sick of life

yea i'm insane

Russian roulette
the shot that hit but missed

for no reason but just bored with it

6 months passed since then
i still know they all hate me
they always did

my life is like the song by metalica
[link]

what now???
[link]

so are they totaly without sin to the rules they made for me
if not then they can live to them  
and suck it , unforgiven all of them , because i know they did not

seems some people get a kick out of putting others down
just because they got hurt in the past

but seems they have the habit of putting down those that
have also been hurt

better to stay away from them

if there not here then they can't hurt me

just because they think its right to hurt others like they have been hurt
makes them no better

i used to beleve that people where good
but some hate you no mater what you do
some blame you for things that you did not do
and get others to persicute and threaten you

i try to do good and help others
but this only gives them an excuse to hurt and pick on you more

too many times now

no point trying

because of the one that said she would fu**ing kill me
and threatend to kill my son also

i may as well be dead to make her happy

but thats what makes them feel good
to hurt and degrade others

no point doing anything for anyone

depression and paranoia
wondering when she will have another go at me
and wondering what to do

the police would only help if she actualy attacked me

so much for a kind world

no love no more

well some success
just finished modifying the whole mount for the telescope
it now has full computer control
so hopefully that should solve the tracking problems

video of it
[link]

just need some more clear nights

well attempt 3 astro photo shoot  was a fialure

all the pics out of focus , and telescope tracking still out

seems that the focus of the 35mm film is different to the viewfinder focus when using the cam with the telescope

so i'm replacing the motor drive on the scope with a computer controlled goto tracking system , and hopefully will get a suitable digital cam to use with the scope so that i can see the results straight away  that should help a lot  

seems that the up sides of using 35mm film for very low light shots like this are outweighed by the down sides like having to use the whole film up before finding out if any worked out

although one plus is i have had a number of good random shots taken to use up the film
and seems i will be getting myself a new digital camera later this month so not all bad

about time i updated this
although had a good day at the Wrexham street party and a couple of good shots
and a couple of random photo shoot outings in the last few weeks
still waiting for right conditions to take some other night time and astro shots

i still prefer the fuji s9600 for day shots but as it has a lcd viewfinder it seems hopeless on low light shots  35mm film is fine on long exposure shots and at least with the optical viewfinder i can sort of get an idea if its in focus or not  rather than looking at a blank lcd  on 30second exposures

think i am going to have to invest in a eos digital cam to see how well that copes for astro shots
35 min exposures on 35mm film are possible  to do the same on digital i have to take a series of 30 second or longer exposures and image stack them  , longer than 30 seconds and the inherant noise of ccd's makes the image too noisy to use
software noise removal also tends to remove some wanted specks of light form the image  mainly stars that is the whole point of taking the picture so it has to be right

just hoping that the skys will be clear enough  start of sept  when the moon phase is small enough to provide a nice dark sky

maybe some other photo shoots before  but no plans as yet

well  
been out on a photo shoot this morning , takeing some long distance shots
and a clear evening , taking some  long exposure shots

still getting used to using the telescope with the eos300 35mm cam and also
fine tuning the tracking

if the tracking is out then it will smear the image on a long exposure
tonight i was takeing 5,10,15,20,25 and 30 min exposures and will not be able to find out if i got it right untill i get the film developed

although i have managed to get most of the equipment and chemicals needed to develop colour film
i still have a number of items to get so think this one will be done at the local film lab

so busy day /night and won't know if theres anything to show for it for a day or two

still not happy with digital camera for night time shots
the ccd of the camera picks up too much noise on long exposures

although software afterprocessing can remove the noise or most of it
at the expence of losing a percentage of stars from the image

sadly its a problem with all but specialist astronomical ccd camera's
so will be reverting to 35mm film for nightime shots in future

waiting for a clear nights sky

ok so last 2 attempts at airbrushing resulted in pictures
although not quite what i had intended

old habits die hard
getting used to useing  fast relativly heavy strokes rather than  lots of tiny small ones that im used to using pencil is one point
but actualy the other is movement and trigger actuation of the airbrush
its all too easy to slip back into the old habit and end up with a big splot where i was wanting a fade in

i'm wanting to do a bonnet ("hud" as you say in amarica) graphic for my car
and still some way of having the skill i need to be able to manage that

have been debating if to actualy airbrush it , or if to digitaly airbrush the artwork and get a car wrap made from the artwork

at least if i actualy airbrush it i can get away with using some of the "effects" paints  , like  gold-chrome and candy colours

been on a tour of wooferton  sortwave transmitter station
not normaly open to the public

must say i have a lot of respect for the technitions that work there
who daly crawl all over the equipment  tuning it up and running it according the the sheduals
to them messing arround with potentialy leathal voltages and xrays day in and out
in order for you to be able to listen to the radio is routine

they have 10 transmitters there  i only have uploaded a few pictures of one
the first marconi prototype transmitter installed there back in the late 30's
but still opperational and used daly (217,109 hours of service)

its an impressive pieace of kit , and although no date planned for its replacment yet
it should be noted that it is realy an unsung tresure that should be preserved
rather than just scraped
something that provided so much listening plesure to milions over decades that most never even think or know about what is running in order to do that

at present theres no musium that is arround to preserve such tresures
and so many tresures like this have already been deligated to scrap

well i stopped the drinking
drinking to forget i guess like  the memory  needs putting down and leaving behind

RIP

sorry but 1/2 bottle of vodka before this journal hope it makes sence no garrantee of coreect spelling  or whatever

insparation from what ever

some thing that i both inspireing and takes time

to have the concept is one thing  
to be able to make that into a picture is anothter

the concept is like a dream , the picture well should be

not easy , thining about the pose/position of each item in the picture must have in order to make it work  so the concept is right

time passes , still  but there is a way so must look for it
there is the final image , months well years thinking how to arragne the items so they give the intended picture

and still feel no closer  still trying still shuffling the objects  and still not right to express the concept

although each time closer to the the image , closer to the so sort after concept  expressed as an image  worthy of panting/drawing

one that is not only original but also so right

the dragon and the vergin in the right context  the right image and one that just looks the way it should to me (the acheiest dragon) like to be wright but feel so wrong

maybe months maybe years away yet  but feel so close but so far away

someday maybe

just got to keep cooking the beast in the corner of my eye before it runs away and hides again

who's or what is your nightmare ?
mines running and thats frightening to me because of what i beleave

the devil is in the detailing and dont i know it but needs to works like it should
time is up , but not that time matters changing time never would

and say i dont judge my self as they judge me shame i canot just set them free
means the world to me love !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!